Article submitted

Well, I have been absent from my blog mostly because I have been writing and researching. I am VERY Happy to announce that I have submitted my article titled: Teaching Philosophy Statement: Conduit for Preservice Teachers Exploring Hegemonic Ideologies (Bonofiglio, in publication 2010) (yeah... I cited myself :-) wild man)

QuickWrite Check-In 11.9.10

I had a productive week writing, which is amazing considering the week I had. My assistantship duties really hindered my writing time and I was not faithful to my scheduled writing times. I had to fit in other times for writing. However, I had some nice downtime this weekend to do some sustained writing. As of right now I have a full framed working draft of my article. I think my introduction is coming along nicely also. The conclusion is another issue. I can't think of my conclusion just yet. I don't work this way and so I am having to side step Belcher a bit. I can't compartmentalize my starting and finishing like this. My conclusion sort of comes to me. I have a conclusion, but the hook of it will reveal itself as I come to it.

Amal and I had a nice writing conference today also. Her work and mine comes from the same theoretical camp in a way. It was nice to talk with someone who has read the same foundational pieces and to be able to read her work and know the foundational pieces she engages in her work as well. She mentioned that she likes my writing style. I appreciated that comment as I've worked very purposefully to connect my creative writing identity with my academic identity and feel this is a constant area of insecurity for me.

What I wish is to have some sustained time to just focus on my article. I am enjoying the writing and how it is developing now. I'd like to give it some substantial time, but I need space to do that in. I need to be able to work with it, step away from it, and go right back to it w/out the outside world distracting me in between. Alas, that is a Utopian dream I fear.

I would like to take a day of just writing. I feel like I would like to go away somewhere with just my computer and my article work and write. It is right there and I am highly motivated. I get really irritated when other things distract me from the thinking. I feel almost like this is some sort of weird procrastination thing. It makes me almost not want to get to the writing. I've been forcing myself to sit down on my writing times to do the work. The work included this week reading as well as actual finger to key or pencil to paper writing. It also included some editing. I reorganized my outline and was able to see where different holes were that need to be clarified. This is actually helping to solidify the argument. It is shaping the body of the paper. I feel I have a solid and complete abstract. The abstract is keeping me true to the focus of the article. I often times tend to derail in my writing and go off on my soap-box. I think by having the abstract there, always in my sight, I have a mission almost. Plus, this is what the journal I have selected is expecting to read about. I want to be ready to mail something out by the start of December. I have to stay focused. I also have to chunk out more time to get done.

I am a bit afraid of the first final draft draft. But, also excited. Thus far all of the feedback has been amazingly productive for me. I've never had this level of feedback. I have never had a piece of my work move to this level either. It is exciting. It is exciting to think of what potential is inside of me also. It is fun really. I want to write. It isn't a chore as it has felt like in the past. Some of my other writing feels more "chore" like because it is more about just getting an assignment done. This is not about an assignment it is about actually contributing to my field's conversation. That is why I am here. I am wondering if doing this sort of thing earlier in the PhD program would be of value in the authenticating of our identities as academic writers? Would I have been ready? I don't think I would have been ready my first. Not even sure I would have been ready my second year. So, perhaps this 3rd year was perfect for me. Something for discussion anyhow. But, I digress. I think I am going to go work on my paper in the last couple of minutes :-) of this quickwrite... ciao

Just submitted a query to the following:
Critical Education and Teaching and Teacher Education... scary!

Comparing Outlines

In analyzing my outline along side the model article outline I had an "Aha" moment. One could even say it was a "Duh" moment, but that would be negative and counter-productive. My model article moves its article along by using headings that engage a micro structure of description. We sequentially move along as he describes a natural procedure for implementing Bakhtianian views of language in the classroom for more active student learning and engagement. This is what I want for my article, but I have been stuck in the micro-structure using problem-solution and causation. I want to move to description to tell the story.

Week 10-25-10: TO DO

1. Read Belcher Chapter 6 (Done: 10-22-10)
2. Rework Query- (Done: 10-26-10 and sent to Mary for edits)
* Couldn't do until I gave myself time to rework article: Sunday 10-25-10
3. Outline My article (DONE)
4. Outline Sample article (DONE)
5. Complete Lit Review (for conceptual background support)

Time Writing:
10-20-10: After TE 921 on the way home I had some good thoughts while considering my discussion I am going to have with Susan Thursday. Also, need to work on PPT for practicum talk at advisee meeting which is aligned w/this article. 10pm-11:20pm (watched TV)

10-21-10- wrote in my office a lot in the morning: 10:15-11:20; 2:30-3:40 (some of this time I was working on my power point)

10-22-10- Mostly just worked on my powerpoint in between my busy day. Didn't keep track. I took the night off since it was a special family night. Had a great advisee meeting with really productive feedback on my practicum. So, some questions to think about in considering the TPS: what is my goal for the pre-service teachers, concerns working with my own interns etc.

Weekend was a wash except for Sunday. I had to read for 921 on Saturday and had family obligations. Sunday I worked on article thinking about the comments from Mary and Lisa. Totally new outline for article. I'm feeling a little bit more in control, but at the same time I feel like I am not sure how to open myself up to the "conceptual" part of this. I am having a hard time just letting myself be free to write. Are conceptual pieces suppose to be harder or is this just my insecurity? I worked on "writing" and "staring" for about 2 hours off and on because I would get up and do dishes, cook, sit on the couch etc. when I felt a bit overwhelmed.

Today: 10-25-10
11:45-1:00 - Wrapped up query sent off to Mary. Abstract also redone will repost to wiki when I hear back from Mary on query since it is similar in language.

10.19.10 In Class Reflection

Hello Dear Academic Writing Self~
Epiphanies are nice when they happen. They lend themselves to very nice learning and windows to wisdom. I have realized this week that when I am feeling overwhelmed I don't necessarily shut down, but I go into a form of auto-pilot. The interesting thing though... my mind doesn't stop "writing". I think I can actually write while dreaming. I kid you not! Problem: it doesn't always make itself to paper...which reminds me I had a great thought this morning and forgot to write it down. This is a HUGE problem! So, in regards to this course and the purpose of this quickwrite or my participation in sitting here in this classroom. How did my week(s) go. Aside from enjoying football watching time and plenty of family obligations, I had some moments of true productivity, but not with Belcher. I can't seem to work with Belcher AND be totally productive in my article work. I can't seem to multi-task with the documentation tool (i.e. my calendar) and stay faithful to my writing. I can reflect on my writing time, which I will do here.
______
While working on editing my query letter and after talking with Mary I was very productive in working on my abstract, arguments and query. Mind you, none of these are done, but they helped me work on those chunks of my actual article. I found that when I was struggling with tightening up any one of those documents I would go back to my article and work on that argument in the article. Sometimes this would lead me to some reading, or a quote I needed to elaborate on or get rid of. This helped me to see that actually quotes in my paper were a problem. Yes, Belcher did help me see this also. Although, Belcher also gave me a mini shut-down moment thinking about writing a lit review, which sent me off into another world for about 2 days: The world of the lit review genre and what that means for an article. I left that world on purpose and I left it without anything to bring home as evidence I was there outside of a folder of articles that might be reminiscent of a suitcase of travel sized bottles of toiletries.

A Wash

I knew this past weekend would be a wash when it came to any kind of work. Family came into town for a special weekend for my daughter. I really have nothing to report, but will be getting back on track ASAP!

In Class QuickWrite

Think about where I am in relation to the beginning of this process. What is working, not working, how is my progress...

In looking at my documentation tool calendar I see that I am most productive the end of the week (Thur/Fri) and Saturday. I am beginning to rather productive now that I have the library as a regular writing site. I think the addition of working at the library has been one of the most positive moves I have made. Some of this has to do with the fact that I am surrounded by books, which I love as well as the fact that it being on campus and quiet I can really focus and it seems more "real". I am not completely sure what I mean by real other than it feels more academic and ... I don't want to say purposeful because that is not what I mean, but it feels more professional maybe. I an any case, I've been really productive this past week and this is my second Sunday with this site. I would say I need another data point to make it official, but I am positive in my conjecture at this moment.

Distractions are fewer since committee work is slowing down. I am better able to balance my time according to my own needs versus always doing things that need to be accomplished based on outside influences. Of course this was my choice and I am pleased to say that I feel I am coming into a better understanding of how to balance academic life, research, and personal life. This is my goal for my 3rd year and I can see it is helping me take the time to write more.

One of the things I am really excited about is not just in working on this article, but I am working on a commentary on my own. This commentary is in response to the recent suicides for young people dealing with sexuality identities. I am deeply moved by this and have done a lot of personal writing on it and how it relates to us as teachers and this space we call school. So, I feel like a writer again. I don't just have to write what is assigned to me. I can write about what I affects me and what I feel is important to convey to others. This feels really good and I am actually really excited when it is time for my writing and this class. I think I am coming into my own identity as an academic beyond student. While it is also scary, it is truly invigorating.

My goal however, is to also increase my vocabulary. This is not to say that I want to use million dollar words for the sake of...whatever those words imply from a hegemonic lens. But, I want to be able to convey what I am saying in a richer more precise way. Words are the way to do this. Very similar to my poetry writing. Being able to identify and use just the right word is what gives writing its depth and uniqueness. It is what gives writing its identity in a way. So, to accomplish this I've been reading differently. I pay closer attention to word choices and in what contexts they are being used. I am also reading more as a writer. By this I mean I am looking at format, organization of argument and thought. I am seeing how they cite other scholars and how often. I am making sure to notice even small things like paragraph organization. What is the thesis and how has it been supported? I believe, as I have taught my own students, that this will make my writing better.

Today while at the library writing site I am working on my argument... not really easy actually. It is making me deal with the so-what issues head on! Here is what I have after a 45 minute argument with my internal editor and Posusta's Instant Thesis Maker found in Belcher, page 89.
______________

In this article, I argue that although the philosophies and biases that pre-service teachers bring to their practice are culturally contextualized and complex nevertheless it is beneficial for teacher education programs to explore the cultural biases and philosophies that pre-service teachers bring into their education because these dispositions have an influence on teaching practices and educational communities.

Thursday Thoughts

So, I had the morning to work on whatever I wanted to work on and I ended up cleaning the house again. I mean the house needs to be cleaned up after all my writing cite was a mess and I had to clear it out and then I had to take care of the rest of the house and the dog hair needed vacuumed and then there was a load of laundry to get washed and then Chels' room...well, why not straighten it up for her to be nice...she's been busy and has a lot to do....!!!!!!!!!! WHAT AM I DOING!

Then I had a 501 seminar meeting on campus...came home and fixed dinner...then had to run an errand and here I sit! Do I read or do I open up my very colorful article? More to come...

In Class Quickwrite- 9.28.10

How did writing go this week? (quick write) Your schedule? How is writing site working out? How did your conversations about writing go this week? How is the documentation thing going? How much time did you "log in"? What was the quality of that time? etc. etc.

This week was an interesting one. I totally did not focus on keeping track of what, when, how long, where I was working on paper. However, I did find a new working space that I really like. I went to the MSU library, 4th floor stacks. I have always loved this nook for doing research and reading. However, I never really focused on it for writing. So, on Sunday for 3 hours (while Chels was at rehearsal for MSU Youth Wind Symphony) I wrote. Now, it would be a lie to say I wrote for the entire 3 hours, but I did off and on for most of it. The off writing moments were spent with me browsing the stacks for some specific conversations. The great thing is... I found the conversation I was looking for that will help me think about my argument for this article as well as my practicum. The argument is in between 2 books I found. Not literally, but I feel I fall somewhere in between the claims presented by the following 2 books:
1. "Revealing the invisible: Confronting passive racism in teacher education" by Sherry Marx (2006).
2. "Dispositions as habits of mind: Making professional conduct more intelligent" by Erskine Dottin (2010).

So, I would read a little and think about what position I am taking in my article and what it is I am trying to say and to whom. Over the course of the following few days prior to class. I would spend sporadic moments on my paper. I renamed the working draft dealing with my thinking about the argument of my paper as just that. In this draft I color coded text: red=arguments; blue=research ideas beyond the scope of this article; green= questions I need to explore; purple= changes I made that I need to make note of. As of right now... MY PAPER IS PHYSICALLY A MESS :-/ BUT... I think it is beginning to take a shape that is not only student voiced.

In class Quick Writing

How did writing go this week? (quick write) Your schedule? How is writing site working out? How did your conversations about writing go this week? How is the documentation thing going? How much time did you "log in"? etc. etc.
I can honestly say, not great in some respects and great in other respects. I find that actually writing stuff down in my calendar is difficult when I am engaging in DOING things on my to do list. I have to go back and fill in vs. fill in ahead of time. I guess this means I am more of a reflective person vs. a planner. Makes sense to me and I think it does fit my M.O. I did a lot of writing on other things outside of my abstract as I prepare for my guidance committee meeting and thinking about items for comps as well as my practicum proposal. I have also done some work on my webspiration site...I do a lot of thinking there. I also started a new document titled "Ideas". I've had a lot of ideas pop into my head that are connected to my dissertation questions, but are beyond the scope of my dissertation. These ideas are also very much connected to the theories foundational to the article I am writing for this course, so not I don't view this as a distraction. It is more of a grounding.

This weeks activities made me realize how uncomfortable I feel talking about my work. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that it is only during my MSU hours that I actually get to talk about my work. This is not a topic that is really discussed in my home, or personal life, I think that might be problematic for me. But, that is another blog entirely. With that in mind, I have started to create talking spaces for myself.

This week, I was able to sit down with Kevin J. and talk about my ideas and how I am thinking about the teaching philosophy statement and socio-cultural perspectives, issues of power and privilege. He challenges my thinking and as a white male he said he knows that the argument is not lost on him as he is very much grounded in the ally movement and historical contexts of critical race issues, but he gets tired of being viewed as the target. So, we have to think beyond this. It made me look at my writing differently, including my abstract. I wonder about my language. I use rather direct language at times and wonder if it is not institutionalized language actually. What do I mean by power and privilege, whiteness... can I use these terms? Will they turn off my reader? Should I care and in what way should I care? How do I scaffold this?

Playing Catch-Up after a Trying Week!

Belcher Exercises:
My Article is About...

teachers and their identities. Specifically, thinking about how hegemonic ideologies influences those identities and how teachers are making meaning of this. Bruner, Cole, Geertz, Johnson all talk about the cultural implications of meaning making and the myths teachers bring with them in to their own pedagogical learning experiences. I know that in TE programs we require a teaching philosophy statement of our interns, campuses require this of teachers also. So, I question identity and philosophy and this document as a way to make more transparent these cultural myths. This is important because teachers are expected to be agents of change in the classroom. This cannot happen in an equitable way in an space overtly or covertly dominated by power and oppression.

What Learned Doing This Exercise
I have a hard time articulating my own ideas. I feel very self-conscious talking about my own work perhaps because I still feel like my writing is not good enough and I am still learning the language of my profession and area of expertise. I also have memory issues, especially with names! This is a real issue for me and does have some physical reasons behind it. I have a hard time not getting on my soap box also.

What I Learned by Reading My Model Article...
My idea is really not that far fetched. As a matter of fact the tone and idea is rather complimentary to the journal mission and several of the articles I read. The one I chose was an article about pedagogy and also connected to theories of a famous theorist. It was not based on actual experimental research but is a theoretical piece. I can do this! What I will need to do my article is really chunk it out and organize the arguments in much more detail/clarity. I will need to find a more critical voice/language.

Dear Blog forgive me,
It isn't that I have forgotten about you or have not been writing. I just have not been writing in this space. However, it actually has been a very productive week in regards to inspiration. I have chosen my path for the piece I will choose for "Writing for Publication". Originally, I thought the piece was one I wrote for TE 982 Policy, but it was actually the one I wrote for CEP 915. However, I am still going to cross it with some of the ideas from my AERA proposal. This should be beneficial for not just the article, but also for my practicum (possibly part of my dissertation). I think this is all good.

I have some great conversations this week that have spurred some good writing. I have also been reconnecting with my webspiration, which is a space I do a lot of my thinking for my writing and project planning. Today I will be working on an abstract on the piece mentioned above as well as working on a practicum proposal and lit review. I do also have some reading to do. I guess I should probably sit down and plan out my weekend a bit better.

9-14-10 Obstacles

First, I had a wonderful birthday and I did pretty much take the day off. It was beautiful outside and I enjoyed my family and just letting my brain sort of check in, and out. I think it is important to have days where you allow your brain to process. For me that might mean watching a favorite movie or just sitting listening to music. I also like to color. YES... color as in Crayola and coloring book. Perhaps for me this is part of my writing process? I find that when I say I am going to commit to some kind of regular journaling, I don't. I am trying to let this one sort of happen. So, far I've been somewhat consistent and I have noticed that I think about, almost long for, the minutes I take to sit and engage with this blog. I know it is important and it is perhaps a pathway to my goal of publishing this year. I am really taking to heart Belcher's ideas and suggestions. I will take the steps, modifying on a few, and move in a fashion she suggests.

With that.... Overturning Writing Obstacles (pp. 39...)
I am going to list my writing obstacles and rate their interference level (high, medium, low)
1. Medium...I have a hard time finding balance between all that I do: teaching/prep, mentoring/field instruction, homework in other classes (9 credits)

2. HIGH...My house is small and I have no quiet. TV is always on, being a wife/mom I feel pulled to take care of things aside from writing first. So, I wait until evening to write and I'm not motivated then if I've had a busy day.

3. HIGH...I am easily distracted/annoyed by the television and other family going-ons

4. LOW... I am not sure my ideas are good enough to develop: This goes along with #7 in Belcher "I have to read just one more book/article". This also ties in w/Belcher's # 25 "I'm not smart enough to do this kind of work"

5. HIGH...When at my computer I am distracted with the internet (email, FB, blogs, Angel): Belcher # 26

6. LOW...I have a hard time focusing for long lengths of time. I need to move, shuffle things around, vacuum etc.

Solutions:
It would appear that distractions are my biggest obstacle. I need to have a family meeting perhaps and have a quiet time in the house. I could use my office more, but I really don't like being in the basement of the house. However, maybe I should stop being so picky also.

NO INTERNET ZONE... TURN THINGS OFF!
Give myself permission to NOT answer everyone right away (email, phone, text, yells from the other room...)
* Chunk "touch-base" time w/family (time to catch up on day, go over evening agenda etc.)

Down Day

I had a really busy day yesterday and found it difficult to write. I know this is an excuse and all I can say is that I am working on it :-) Aside from being able to study with a friend for TE 932 the evening was stressful. I find that as an academic novice writer/researcher, it is the balance of personal and professional that can be exceptionally difficult.

On the up side:
I had a few great conversations and while this is not direct writing it is part of my writing process. I was able to articulate some of my ideas for articles I would like to write and ideas I have, but struggle to know how to put into some form of academic project. These ideas are teacher education and ethnographic research options. It seems that so often TE research involving interns/pre-service teachers deals with the same format of study: follow one or 2 interns and write a narrative based on interviews, observations, and survey (maybe). This all fine and dandy, but I want to do something different...maybe. I am just not sure what. I wonder if using poetry as a form of reflection would something to consider. By using the poetic process and the idea of truly focusing on experience, word usage, emotion and form would make for a deeper/different lens on teacher identity? Also, using the TPS as a way to engage teachers in thinking about themselves as teachers of writing...what is their philosophy of writing instruction and does it hold in actual instructional practices? How do pre-service teachers articulate their beliefs of writing and writing instruction? Are these beliefs in conflict with standardized curriculum frameworks?
I have questions... I am just not sure how to design a "project". I think that will be my next goal...I need to frame a project proposal for my practicum.

K2Z+L

This is the name of the writing group I belong to. I am the Z. Today we had a very productive day and I can't thank these brilliant women enough in the way they challenge and encourage my thinking about my writing. I was able to choose the text I will use for this activity. They were also very instrumental in helping me think about possible journals to consider publication with. I have spent the last hour researching options and have 3 great possibilities:
1. Harvard Educational Review
2. Critical Education (On-line peer reviewed Journal)
3. Review of Educational, Pedagogy, and Cultural Studies

Because I do not want to spend hours and hours researching, I have found many articles and authors whose voice I connect with. My writing is much more conceptual and theoretical in style. Through reading several of the articles found in these journals I see my publication will be more of an essay. I feel like a real novice in all of this and think the 3 choices for journal options seems ambitious. However, I will look forward to any feedback I am able to get back.

Task 1: pages 1-10 Belcher

Wed. 9-10 1:21pm- 1:41 (20 min)
My Feelings about My Experience of Writing:
* Apprehensive: I am not an expert, so who would want to hear my thoughts
* Lost: I don't know that I have enough to write about. I don't have any personal research at this point. All I have are ideas, opinions, and research I have read as well as other things I have read from other people.
*Excited: While I don't have my own research I do feel that I can connect ideas. I believe I have a welcoming author voice. But, I do worry it is not very academic.
*Illiterate: I don't have the vocabulary I feel an academic writer should have. I have a hard time remember things too, so I have to look things up a lot. I'm a slow writer.
I get angry with myself for procrastinating this leaves me feeling inadequate.
I feel I write better when I let my "narrative" voice write vs. my "ivory tower" voice write.
*Giddy/Thrilled/Proud/Accomplished when I hear someone say they were touched/moved/inspired to think after reading something I wrote.

Common Elements in My Negative Feeling about Writing:
I think my negative anxieties stem from my lack of self-confidence. I was not an excellent or intellectual student when I was younger. Although, I think I was actually an intellectual youth. I just never transferred that into my academics. I never saw myself as an academic or validated to have an opinion about big issues. The issues I talk about are abstract and conceptual/theoretical. Many people in my personal life live in the factual/black& white mode of engaging. I am not one to remember dates and specifics. My brain has a difficult time with that. I also do think about what others will think of me and I like to be accepted. I am social.

Lessons to Be Learned from My Positive Experiences of Writing:
So if my writing manages to move and inspire people there must be something there. I am learning a new genre not the entire skill of writing. I am actually a good writer. I just need to work on allowing myself to NOT be a perfectionist.

Day 1-Sept. 7, 2010

This blog is for my TE 982 course: Writing for Publication. We are using the book titled Writing Your Journal Article in 12 Weeks: A Guide to Academic Publishing Success by Belcher. I have not read the chapter for week 1 yet, but am getting ready to do so.

As was mentioned in class today, writing is a deeply personal endeavor. It is also a very social one. I am removing myself from my comfort zone (not that I have been all that comfortable there as of late) to this more public space where my academic writing journey can be viewed and critiqued. Be kind, be truthful, and go in peace! Z.

Belcher, W. (2009). Writing your journal article in 12 weeks: A guide to academic publishing success. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. ISBN: 978-1-4129-5701-4